Signs and Afflictions

I made my decision to choose The Father. This decision was the pivotal point of my life. That resolve aside I have supported my decision by suppressing feelings, avoiding feelings, numbing my feelings. A friend of mine, a dear friend, told me not to hide from my feelings, but to face them squarely, and not to fear the implications, but to choose and move forward with resolve.

This facing up has proven challenging. But there has been a curious development: Friends have opened up, quite out of the blue, and shared their experiences. I have somewhat vicariously experienced their life choices through their frankness seeing what drew them, what they find rewarding, and what they sacrificed. In interesting ways each friend, all to varying degrees from different spiritual walks of life, was a ministering angel to me. The final result is that I was able to say, though this profession of determination came through some tribulation, that in my case, all other admittedly comforting options notwithstanding, I choose The Lord as my Rock, my Husband, my Maker, The Holy One of Israel (Isaiah 54:5), and His House is where I choose to be (Psalm 122:1).

I am certain I am not the only one who has to ignore emotion, turn away from allure, opt not to respond to feelings. There is something Jesus said, and in various ways through various individuals often repeated; it comes to mind now (Matthew 25:34-36):

• 34: Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:
• 35: For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
• 36: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

It was poignant for me to come upon an example of The Lord doing this Himself, that is, visiting the sick, the afflicted. The visitation touched me, but more potent for me was the manner in which this visitation first affected His people. (Exodus 4:28-31)

• 28: And Moses told Aaron all the words of Jehovah who had sent him, and all the signs which He had commanded him.
• 29: And Moses and Aaron went and gathered together all the Elders of the sons of Israel:
• 30: And Aaron spake all the words which Jehovah had spoken unto Moses, and did the signs before the people.
• 31: And the people believed: and when they heard that Jehovah had visited the sons of Israel, and that He looked upon their affliction, then they bowed their heads and worshiped. 

I have been searching for that spirit of comfort and peace. I felt peace in the Temple, and I felt properly oriented as I prayed (that is, this was the right thing to do), there, in that holy house. It never fails to surprise me that when I turn to The Lord in prayer, and I study His word, He reaches out to me. I cannot dwell on why all of this affects me the way it does, but I will point out the words, the beautiful words, namely, that Moses repeated the words Jehovah had told him, along with "the signs" that Jehovah had commanded (given by commandment) to him to Aaron; then Moses and Aaron together called the Elders of the sons of Israel together, and Aaron rehearsed the words to them, the words that Jehovah had commanded Moses, only here Aaron not having been present when Jehovah spoke exercised faith; and when Aaron "did the signs" before this people, then this people believed, and what they believed, had not seen, but believed nonetheless, was that Jehovah had visited His people in their afflictions. 

My faith is where I choose to be. I may waiver, I may stumble, I may err in ignorance, and I may falter in foolishness, but I wash in the waters of the Atonement, because no matter the twists and turns of my path, I cannot help myself ultimately in being much happier with my Lord than without Him, happier closer to Him than merely not distant. 

And His House is real. My earthly father said this often, and although he did not realize the full import of these words, I will see to it that one year after his passing he knows the full import:

I was glad when they said unto me: Let us go into the House of The Lord. (Psalm 122:1)

And so I choose this path:

• Brethren, shall we not go on to so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory! Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad... 
• Let us, therefore, as a church and a people, and as Latter-day Saints, offer unto The Lord an offering in righteousness; and let us present in His holy temple...a book containing the record of our dead, which shall be worthy of all acceptation. (Doctrine and Covenants 128:22,24) 

Wish all the best.

James